My online life, leave it alone.

So I decided to take back my online life from my online stalker. I went through all my profiles and blocked this person, where possible. I also blocked this person from IMing me from any of my IM's and also from emailing me. There were a few sites that I couldn't block this person, and one of my emails as well-at least it's not my main ones- and I haven't blocked this person from calling my phone numbers. I have to check on that so I may or may not do it. But it makes me feel so much better to do this, and on a lot of my sites when you block someone they cannot see your site as well as not being able to contact you. There are some that they still can view but cannot contact you and on those sites I'm not making my info private, I feel that I shouldn't have too, it's like giving in to the stalker. But anyways it makes me feel so much better having done this, it's only a small thing to do, but it gave me back my security.

Nighttime Terror

Nighttime Terror
Halloween poem.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/2077877/nighttime_terror.html

Go check this out. A poem I wrote published on Associated Content.

Give me a break.

I'm tired of "hiding", of worrying if anything I post gets read by my stalker. And yes I do have an online stalker. I know this person, personally sort of, and while this person doesn't physically stalk me, this person does stalk me online. Anything I do, say, etc this person makes it a point to read and start drama. I'm so tired of it. And yet, there is nothing I can do about it. I have no proof, I am not in danger, I think, and so I'm stuck with the knowledge and the uselessness of it all. i don't understand why anyone would want to waste their time stalking someone else. We all have our own lives that should keep busy and happy. Why waste any of that precious time stalking me, when that precious time could be used living their life to the fullest. And this person is also stalking my husband online. And harassing him, slandering him and me, behind our backs. And I just don't understand why, what is it this person hopes to gain? Is it to try to break us up, cause hatred between me and my husband. Well that's not happening. It just makes us stronger, more committed to each other, more intent on our present and future happiness. I know nothing of this person's personal life, I can hope that they are happy, but I get the feeling they are not. I just wish it would all end, that this person would give up this stupidity, and just focus on themselves.

Some personal thoughts.

Sitting here wondering, stewing actually, over why a certain someone just can't let it go, made me contemplate some things. I have a wonderful husband. No he isn't perfect, lol, far from it. But he is a good man. He loves me and our daughters and does everything he can to provide for us. Yes he has made mistakes, still makes mistakes, and will probably continue to do so. But he is willing to learn from those mistakes, and if necessary, take the steps to help rectify any issues. We have had our issues as a couple, but we have worked through them all. For being two very independent, stubborn, and opinionated people, we have done quite well. And of course there will be more issues to come, after all we are human, and we will work through those together as well. Our past is our past, and the future is ours, as one. And I myself am not perfect and I have made my share of mistakes and I am trying to learn from them. I am also trying to not let things that I cannot control bother me. That is so very hard for me. I tend to care so much that anything derogatory upsets me. I am trying very hard though to not let these things get to me. I also have the ability to read between the lines. Sometimes this is a good thing, sometimes it's not. I am learning that I cannot make sense of why certain people behave the way they do, and that some people are just plain evil. That's hard for me because I always try to see the good in everyone. But let me tell you I've had a rude awakening in that area, lol. I cannot understand why some people behave the way they do, say the things they say, etc, etc. I guess I just have to realize that for some people they just can't let go of the past, and that they have to exaggerate things, to tell lies, to gain sympathy. I guess it makes them feel better, I don't know. All I know is that I have a good life and am so blessed because of it.I am also lucky to have such three beautiful daughters. Two are from a previous relationship my husband had, and one is the result of our love. But I LOVE all three of my girls the same. Some people may not understand that, but that's the way it is. Every day I grow more and more proud of them. They have all grown up to be so beautiful, it's hard to imagine the little girls in the women they are. I look at pictures and I want to cry. Cry for the past, for the innocent little girls they were, and cry for the future, that it doesn't hurt them the way it could. But I am also filled with awe at the way they have grown. Confusing huh, lol. As a parent I want to protect them from everything, and yet I have to realize that they need to grow up. I wish, though, that others thought the same. Some people feel it's okay to use, manipulate, and control them to gain what they want. And yet they can't have what it is they want. I hurts me to the core to see this happen, but I try to stay strong for my girls. I know that they are going to grow up and be successful in anything they set their minds too, and that they, in spite of it all, will have a happy and healthy life.But anyways, as a child I don't think I could have imagined the life I have now. Even with all the drama and stupidity, I wouldn't change a thing. A man that loves me and has helped me grow more and more confident every day, daughters any mom could be proud of, and an all around good life. Not perfect, but nothing is, could be better, and it is, it's a life to be proud of. And it sure does help to know that there are quite a few out there that are jealous and want what I have, lmao.

Ciara+permit=proud parents

So Ciara got her permit on Friday. Passed the test with a 91%. We were so proud of her. I'll always remember that look on her face when she came out of the testing area. She was so excited. Especially since she failed the first time. She only failed though because while she studied the driver's guide, she only study the areas about driving, not the whole book. She figured that she didn't need to know about the other things. LOL. Well she learned that lesson the hard way. So she came home and studied the whole book. And passed. I am amazed, though, at the info she retained. She is so very smart. Her dad and I are so very proud of her accomplishment and can't wait for the next one.

My Mother's Daughter

This is a new poem I just wrote a few days ago. I wrote it for all my girls, but it's in reference to something Kateisha wrote. She's being used, manipulated, and controlled by someone who just doesn't care how her actions affect the children.


I am my mother's daughter,
My father's daughter as well.
One of two parts
Complete, whole
Never to be denied or forgotten.

I am my mother's daughter,
My father's daughter as well.
An individual
With beliefs all my own.
Past, present, future intertwined.

I am my mother's daughter,
My father's daughter as well.
With a heart full of love
For the one's who created me
And for the one's who came along.

So I'm a stalker

LMAO. That is too funny. I'm a bitch and a stalker. Someone must be real afraid of me to be constantly talking about me and spreading lies. The thing is though, she's talking about herself. Everything she says I do is what she herself is doing. I mean this person has a serious inferiority complex. GET OVER IT! Now to some it may seem that I have an issue with this, I don't, I just use blogging as a way to relieve the frustration I get from it all. The biggest thing that pisses me of is that there are 4 children who are being destroyed because of this woman's behaviour. And a 5th that is also effected. That's 5 beautiful, precious, wonderful children. And while not all 5 are mine, I will do whatever it takes to protect the 3 that are mine.

I honestly can't understand.

So my stepdaughter, my daughter by heart, texts me this morning telling me that her nose won't stop bleeding and that she's lightheaded. She says whenever she gets up her head starts to pound. I told her what to do, at least the best I know, and that I would make her a doctor appointment for as soon as possible. But here's the thing. First, she's in Lacey and I'm in Tacoma. Her Dad doesn't have custody of her, yet, but has medical insurance for her. And her Mom, well she cares more for her husband than anything else. And I know that her symptoms might be a sign of high blood pressure, and that a few years ago, now mind you she is only 15, she had an issue with her blood pressure. Her Mom was supposed to monitor it for a few weeks and get back to the doctor. She never did. So now here we are. And I'm worried, pissed off, scared. I just hope that when I take her in that I first don't have any issues with the doctor's office since we don't legally have custody, though she will be living here in a few days, and that there really is nothing seriously wrong. And then, when we find out what's wrong, do I tell her Mom or not. She never gave us that courtesy, we always heard things from my daughter.

So, hmmmmm.

I blog alot. Mostly on my myspace account. I use blogging as a way to vent my feelings, as a personal journal, as a way to an end. Sometimes my blogs may have a rhyme and a reason, other times they don't. I stopped blogging a bit because of the way certain people were behaving. But I've decided that I'm not going to allow anyone to dictate my feelings and the way I deal with them. I never name names, usually, lol, but I will post how I feel, when I feel, and what I want. Sometimes it'll be random, sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes petty, sometimes funny. Just whatever is in me that day.