Saturday, August 22, 2009

My online life, leave it alone.

So I decided to take back my online life from my online stalker. I went through all my profiles and blocked this person, where possible. I also blocked this person from IMing me from any of my IM's and also from emailing me. There were a few sites that I couldn't block this person, and one of my emails as well-at least it's not my main ones- and I haven't blocked this person from calling my phone numbers. I have to check on that so I may or may not do it. But it makes me feel so much better to do this, and on a lot of my sites when you block someone they cannot see your site as well as not being able to contact you. There are some that they still can view but cannot contact you and on those sites I'm not making my info private, I feel that I shouldn't have too, it's like giving in to the stalker. But anyways it makes me feel so much better having done this, it's only a small thing to do, but it gave me back my security.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Nighttime Terror

Nighttime Terror
Halloween poem.

Go check this out. A poem I wrote published on Associated Content.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Give me a break.

I'm tired of "hiding", of worrying if anything I post gets read by my stalker. And yes I do have an online stalker. I know this person, personally sort of, and while this person doesn't physically stalk me, this person does stalk me online. Anything I do, say, etc this person makes it a point to read and start drama. I'm so tired of it. And yet, there is nothing I can do about it. I have no proof, I am not in danger, I think, and so I'm stuck with the knowledge and the uselessness of it all. i don't understand why anyone would want to waste their time stalking someone else. We all have our own lives that should keep busy and happy. Why waste any of that precious time stalking me, when that precious time could be used living their life to the fullest. And this person is also stalking my husband online. And harassing him, slandering him and me, behind our backs. And I just don't understand why, what is it this person hopes to gain? Is it to try to break us up, cause hatred between me and my husband. Well that's not happening. It just makes us stronger, more committed to each other, more intent on our present and future happiness. I know nothing of this person's personal life, I can hope that they are happy, but I get the feeling they are not. I just wish it would all end, that this person would give up this stupidity, and just focus on themselves.

Some personal thoughts.

Sitting here wondering, stewing actually, over why a certain someone just can't let it go, made me contemplate some things. I have a wonderful husband. No he isn't perfect, lol, far from it. But he is a good man. He loves me and our daughters and does everything he can to provide for us. Yes he has made mistakes, still makes mistakes, and will probably continue to do so. But he is willing to learn from those mistakes, and if necessary, take the steps to help rectify any issues. We have had our issues as a couple, but we have worked through them all. For being two very independent, stubborn, and opinionated people, we have done quite well. And of course there will be more issues to come, after all we are human, and we will work through those together as well. Our past is our past, and the future is ours, as one. And I myself am not perfect and I have made my share of mistakes and I am trying to learn from them. I am also trying to not let things that I cannot control bother me. That is so very hard for me. I tend to care so much that anything derogatory upsets me. I am trying very hard though to not let these things get to me. I also have the ability to read between the lines. Sometimes this is a good thing, sometimes it's not. I am learning that I cannot make sense of why certain people behave the way they do, and that some people are just plain evil. That's hard for me because I always try to see the good in everyone. But let me tell you I've had a rude awakening in that area, lol. I cannot understand why some people behave the way they do, say the things they say, etc, etc. I guess I just have to realize that for some people they just can't let go of the past, and that they have to exaggerate things, to tell lies, to gain sympathy. I guess it makes them feel better, I don't know. All I know is that I have a good life and am so blessed because of it.I am also lucky to have such three beautiful daughters. Two are from a previous relationship my husband had, and one is the result of our love. But I LOVE all three of my girls the same. Some people may not understand that, but that's the way it is. Every day I grow more and more proud of them. They have all grown up to be so beautiful, it's hard to imagine the little girls in the women they are. I look at pictures and I want to cry. Cry for the past, for the innocent little girls they were, and cry for the future, that it doesn't hurt them the way it could. But I am also filled with awe at the way they have grown. Confusing huh, lol. As a parent I want to protect them from everything, and yet I have to realize that they need to grow up. I wish, though, that others thought the same. Some people feel it's okay to use, manipulate, and control them to gain what they want. And yet they can't have what it is they want. I hurts me to the core to see this happen, but I try to stay strong for my girls. I know that they are going to grow up and be successful in anything they set their minds too, and that they, in spite of it all, will have a happy and healthy life.But anyways, as a child I don't think I could have imagined the life I have now. Even with all the drama and stupidity, I wouldn't change a thing. A man that loves me and has helped me grow more and more confident every day, daughters any mom could be proud of, and an all around good life. Not perfect, but nothing is, could be better, and it is, it's a life to be proud of. And it sure does help to know that there are quite a few out there that are jealous and want what I have, lmao.